So I would tell you a very funny and well-written story about the fantastic adventures that I had last night, but there is a problem. The problem is, of course, that I have no idea what happened last night. However, I have noticed a couple of indicators around the house that suggest what might have happened. This calls for the talents of a private investigator! I’m going to describe all of the clues I found (unfortunately, I couldn’t find Wayne’s camera, so I don’t have pictures), and you can use your powers of intuition to determine what really happened. Hell, your guess is as good as mine. So c’mon gang! We’ve got a mystery to solve!

Clues:

• I woke up on the couch and not my bed. I had a headache.
• There were a great deal of empty beverage containers on the coffee table. The arrangement is as follows:
  • There are three India Pale Ale’s (blea!) grouped at the edge of the coffee table closest to the television. There is only one person who would forsake this couch in favor of laying on his stomach in the middle of the floor. These beverage containers must belong to Mike E.
  • There are four beverage containers grouped near another edge of the coffee table. All of them have precisely 1/10th of the bottle’s original liquid contents remaining in the bottom. These must have been Pawel’s.
  • There are eight empty beverages lined up in front of the recliner with obsessive-compulsive-disorder-like precision. Ah ha! Those were obviously mine.
• I try talking to George and I realize that I’ve lost my voice. I obviously played some video games last night.
• There is my barbell in the middle of the office room. The weights are no longer symetrical, with one of them attached very close to the end of the bar, and one of the weights has a great deal of the black coating chipped and scraped away.
• My gardening gloves are on the kitchen counter. They are dirty, which is unexpected because I’ve never used them before (what? you think I garden?)
• On top of the gloves is one of the many lighters in my house. I’ll bet that comes as a shocker.
• Outside the house around back I used to have a stack of stepping stones. The stepping stones are now a pile of rubble. Not one of them is still fully intact.
• Here is the most interesting part: on the coffe table is one of my old cookie sheets. Earlier this week, I had decided to throw it away (rather than having to wash it), so it was sitting next to the trash in the kitchen. The sheet of metal is now completely twisted up, sporting scratches, dents, and punctures all over it. A good portion of the cookie sheet has black soot on it and it smells like gasoline.

Those are all the clues, can you solve the mystery?

Aside: Wayne is not around very often these days to cook dinner with, so what do I eat nowadays? Not toothpaste, but it is a funny website anyways.